Sometimes destiny makes us stand on that road which is most risky. On the walking on the same road, you realize that things gonna be more complicated by the time as you start walking. You realize it that no one gonna support it and no one gonna be with you if you will walk on the same path. But the person like me thinks that what the hell I should think about the world. Why should I think about the people who are not ready to understand my state of heart?

 

But the internal satisfaction is so strong that you dare to do what you never thought of doing in the past. Life shows us different shades of emotions. And this emotion comes in heart with strong wave and you miss the heartbeat. 

 

Sometime I don’t wanna think abt it as I know it is something no one gonna understand but what the hell I need to do with world, but I know world not gonna leave when it comes to me.

 

But I don’t care, I know my God is with me and he will always be there to hold me when no body wud be there to hug me.

The purest momens in life, do we really come across these moments when God comes and says yea I am with you. The moments that are special, the moments that no one can create, that are so precious that you cant forget in life, those immensely pure and divine.

 

You come across thousands of people in life and forget, some stays with you for some time and goes out of the life and you feel like sachi mein, that person was there with me in my life? But life keeps on running.

 

When I went to kerala and stayed in house boat for a day n night, it was special. Special like anything, those were the magical moments; I loved it.

 

In night, you boat is tied up with one coconut tree and it’s flowing with the water. The water that is so silent, yet so deep. Its feel like it has so much in it but still its silent. The smooth waves on the lake are like the emotions in one’s heart. The heart that has the depth of emotions, anger, love, purity, honesty and respect but still its silent.

 

The moment the evening becomes dark and the night comes over, it all over quite. Peace is there, only peace nothing else. That peace I have been looking for long, that peace I never got. I wanted to be eternal so that I can never feel so restless, sometime I feel that I have to get so much but the things I am getting not gonna give be the peace I want.

That moment was so divine that whenever I think about it, I feel so lucky. And I feel that ya that are the things I want in my life. Whenever I know there nothing to view, nothing to think and nothing to admire to the world but internal satisfaction jaise jo hai sab yahin hai, God is here with me what else I need in my life.

 

That boat, the water, the moon; it seems like that its looking at me and smiling, the dim light of the house boats standing all corners of the lake, the coconuts tree and the God. What the hell I would ask for anything more in life. But sachi did I get this again, no? These moments are special and I miss it like anything.

the post i wrote few days back

You know what I am feeling now, let me think, sachi bolu toh nothing- you know things keep on changing and after the things changes, we think that it was things who were changing or I have changed?

 

Sometime I don’t believe that I am the same gal who used to cry all the time, sometime I feel its my destiny which has changed or the things and environment around me or have I changed.

Sachi I have changed a lot, I am not the person who will crib for the things that I don’t have like real friends, now I am more practical, hmm am I? Actually I am trying to be and sachi I have succeed in doing and changing the things for my destiny and me.

 

The things, which give me satisfaction, I have stopped thinking abt those things, as I know the more you want; the more you loose. The more you loose, the more you crib and the more you crib, the more you get hurt.

 

I think I have been living someone else life for last few months. I have been doing things which cant get you the inner peace however the same can give the outlook of happiness in case material life.

 

The life which is unpredictable, I like the same like that only, everything can not planned in life and according to me nothing can be planned. I have been busy like hell. Don’t have time for myself also, leave apart the loved ones.

 

Suddenly yesterday I realized that I am living someone else life, its not me, and the things I am doing is not in identity.

 

I realized for how long I have not done meditation. I realized that I have not talked to God. I realized I have not spoken to my friend though I don’t have so many but still.

 

I realised that my identity infact me all fake. I have been doing things that make others happy but nothing for myself.

 

I know its all crap what I am writing now but my heart knows what I am feeling and there will be peace and a satisfaction.

 

missing home

Ehsaan tera hoga mujh par; dil chahta hai woh kehne do…muje tumse mohbbat ho gayi hai muje palkon ki chhaaon mein rehne do

 

Listening to song while this rainy in the morning is just awesome…I remember I loved this song and somehow managed to download this one from net after loads of search.

 

Anyways, because it drizzling today, because its nice climate today after long time so I wanna listen my fav barish ka song and i.e badal bares tarse dil—kyon na nikle ghaar se dil…barkha mein dil paysa hai..yeah pyar nahi to kya hai

 

I m feeling nostalgic today—while sipping tea in balcony today—I m remining those when I used to be at home—apna ghar sachi miss my home a lot—my bhai – my mom- my papa—

 

I just called up my papa to listen his voice—talked to my mom n bhai—wanted to tell them mamma I luv u –but cudnt say—

 

Its seriousally strange – that you are in another home and start sharing your everything with ones whom you didn’t know sometime back and they become your priority in life and your own mom-dad and naughty brothers takes back seat—

 

When I think and analysis I sachi think that its shouldn’t be done—both life partners should make their home separately ..but I don’t know – coz aisa hi hota hai and aisa hi hoga—

 

Its not I have got any complaints, I got awesome family but inside my heart- I feel I miss my family-

 

And one thing I am doing today is I am listening to those songs which I stopped listening some years –

 

Thank you God for making me a complete different person- as I don’t cry now when I m in problem –I laugh only J

 

 

 

I hate it i hate it

i sachi hate it when i say i wanna have someone to hug me n say yaar m thr for you..but i wanna say that –i dont knw but today i feeling like tht only

i want to say tht i m not the only one who ll take care every time–i wanna someone to pamper me –but pata nahi kyon sab muje kuch jayada hi understanding samjate hai–kuch shayad destiny mein hi hai–mere aas paas wale log kuch jayada hi expect karte hai n i dont want live up to anyone’s expectations

off is too hectic –n ghar pe bhi sab bahut formal–i just hate tht–i m not able to cope in office–its too too pressure  to handle it–

aur kuch concentrate bhi nahi ho raha aaj kal –n yeah my bday is coming n m not wid my stupid brothers i luv them — i want my  bhai to irritate me when i m sleeping on my bed– i want mom to be there n shout at me ki get up cab aane wali hai–i want my papa to be there to have bet over the India n pakistam match when i always win n he always looses

i wanna tell my parents n they are the best mom n dad n i m also the best daughter hehe i luv u papa sachi– i wana say tht i sachi muchi luv u –today mom is suffering frm fever n m not there for her-mom pls take medicine n take rest — i ll come to meet very soon

anyways just realised tht its too late n i have to get early n go to office so i shud logout  n good nite

ya my hubby is enjoying match n also watching one movie arre yaar kya naam hai–hmm let me think kya naam hai is movie ka — haan to akhir mere hubby ne muje bataya ki yeh mr india hai

good nite

never thought tht ll write a year

i never thought ever thught while writing previous post tht i ll write after one year–even cudnt check it –sachi–when i checked it today–its like so funny –hehe

my life hsa become so so hectic– and quite nice also–i am happy wid it the way it is–its nice–i got nicest family n loving hubby–i love them–

frankly sometime i dont miss my family–my mom n dad n bhai–its gals story–

off mein bahut kaam hota hai–quite difficult to manage–but doing it till now–

i m not in touch with nidhi–she didnt pick my call when i called her up on her bday–didnt reply my sms–abhi se kuch time pehle baat huyi

actually sab busy ho gaye hai apni apni life mein-

nothing much to say just that life is roller- coaster–when side it gonna take now –no one knows–thought evry side has its own scare and excitement–

anyways hope to write soon as i like this –how can i forget it used to my life

 

Time has moved on..

Things have been not so bad lately or may i have been more practical..my job is going good..touchwood* life is good..abhi nidhi..my frds…I and nidhi not have been in touch mostly but whenever we talked…we talked like frds…though i couldnt meet her 2nd time but i know she is also busy in her life..but we have been good to each other..ateast we didnt forget each other…

abhi..he is in gurgoan only..but do not have so much time to call me up for 2 mins…he is celebrity now…anyways nothing wrong with him..he just practical than me…but seriousally i hate him for that…what frds are for? they are not for good times…chatting..blogging and all….true frds shud be forever…its like whenever they talk…they talk like frds…but anyways leave it…everyone has their own life…

what else? nothing..office is going cool…life has been dam busy..but i am happy for that…not time for crap and trash…God is really great…made me strong enough to live alone…

i am so sorry God…i have been out of touch with for so long..i dont know i feel like that only…i used to talk to U so much par ab to bahana chahiye baat karne ka…may be when i am sad only then i remind you…but u knw i love u….You are my best friend waise to you all know whats going on in my life…so nothing so secret about it…but i want your support always…

Be kind to me and shower all the love which you have been doing always…Love you..

nothing much these days..par sab acha hai…….

looooong time

its been long long time since i wrote something….blogging has always been my love but since i have been stuck to things so much and even didnt feel like writing…so cudnt write much…just listening to the music gives me a feel to write…write whatever comes in write whatever i feel write with no boundation…life has changed changed a lot…a lot…i m kinda more busy…and focus on career….

my cousin got married one day before and kinda strange feeling when gal have to…have to leave the home where she has been whole life..whole new birth is being given to her without any consent but i wish her all the best in her life…may God pour all the love n blessing in her life…

i have been out of this blogging thing a lot..but never left the thought of writing…after being broken and left by all friends..blogging gave me new frds..new space to share ….new life to thoughts..,..cant ever n ever leave it…

loads of loads to write but seriousally dont knw how to write and ..

anyways..my frds abhi n nidhi..pata nahi kaha gayab hai…dono ko sms kiya noone replied…sab busy ho gaye life mein…but cant forget them…love them a lot…no matter we meet or not.we talk or not…

just listening to the song once abhi sent me…sung by shaan…reminds me the days when we three used to have loads of fun…i hope they have not forget me also..i wish so…par their life have been too…

nidhi;s b’day is coming this week…love u nidz…you have been great frd….support..pata nahi…u read my msg or not…but happy bday in advance…love u baccha…

hmm what else to write…nothing much..

mujko dil se yahi shikayat hai

mujko dil se yahi shikayat hai

jo usko mil nahi sakti woh uski chahat hai

bin tere mujko zindgi se khauf lagta hai

kisto-2 mein mar raha hoon roz lagta hai

isliye mujko apni zindgi se nafrat hai

the more i wanna forget, the more i remind, the more i feel the pain, the more i die each moment.

i m just trying to forget all the things, but it seems time repeats again and things are happening in a same way. it seems that everyone is same or its my fault. may be i expect much attention than anyone can give.

sometime things are tough. you dont want to ponder abt the things happened but destiny makes u realise and analize abt it. i really wanna be happy but i guess i expect much and much. a moment comes when other person starts taking u forgranted. but it happens with me only. i guess i am at my fault. anyways leave it.

hope to learn from the mistakes. its his b’day and today’s rain reminded me the last b’day we celebrated together. happy b’day to him but my wishes doesnt make his sin less.

i hope and really pray to God that someday i ll be the happiest person and i hope it gonna happen very soon.

aa bhi jaa

Aa bhi ja aa bhi ja

Ae subah aa bhi ja

Raat ko kar vida

Dilruba aa bhi ja

 

I am feeling exactly what these lines mean…I feeling like to call some shine in my life. My life has changed. Changed a lot may be. But may be I am just so much stuck into myself that I don’t wanna see the world around me. People say that happiness lies in the tiniest things around you. You just need to find it. I guess its right but sometime its just so tough to cope with things. 

I am feeling nostalgic. My b’day. Its on 12^th and today in just 2 hours 11 gonna start. Every year my b’day is celebrated in different way. It gonna be my 3^rd b’day which I am not gonna celebrate with him. But I am happy. This time it ll be different. I ll be in office and working. Its good I wanna be busy..busy like hell that I shudnt get time to brood over the memories which might make me cry. I mean I should move on infact I have moved on. But sometime u cant control urself by thinking the things which used to be the so significant in ur life. 

I wanna now write a post but there is internet down so I am writing here. At this moment of my life, apart from all net friends, I have nitish, who is my real-life friend. There have been times when I was so addicted to net and used to scare to interact with people and all I had was just this Internet. But I got one friend whom I can tough, hug, I can laugh with him, I can cry with him. He is the closest person to me. And 2moro I mean in just 2 hrs and 5 mins it’s his b’day. I know I might not be idle friend one can have coz I am overly sensitive person think a lot about things I have spent with each person. But you have been there for me when I needed u. from the very 1^st day of my office till now you have supported me and I just wanna say I am also there for you whenever you need. As Abhi says, I am the toughest person to talk on this earth and even I say I can’t express in words what I feel, it’s really tough for me to speak out my emotions in front of someone. But I want to say it you that I love you. I know we wont be together always but all teasing and smiles I ll remind. 

Just want to wish happy birthday with all lovely wishes and blessings. 

I might not be the one whom you can say your friend but I ll pray for you that you get what you wish. 

Happy birthday…love you.